Does kinky attract the crazy, or bring the crazy out? in people?

With relationships come drama, but the question is, does the drama increase because we're kinky? 


The logical response (as was echoed by some brilliant tweeters) is that no, there is no greater number of crazies in kink than in real life. The challenge is that there does seem to be a disproportionate amount of crazy in kink, which flies in the face of the logic just stated. So is there more crazy???

Before I probe this question (as a strap-on or cock would probe an ass), it's important to note why I'm asking this. Recently (which can span the last year), I, as well as several other people, have experienced some type of crazy within a kinky relationship, or usually at the end of it. When I say crazy, I mean bat-shit fucking crazy. Threatening lives, threatening to expose people, threatening friends. Bat. Shit. Fucking. Crazy. There is no other definition. There is also the more subtle crazy... the "what do you mean something's wrong? Everything's perfectly fine" when you know it's not - the delusional kind of crazy. That's a crazy where they don't know they're crazy, and I STRONGLY suggest you walk away VERY slowly from them, without turning your back.... just my well-informed opinion. 


Here are some thoughts:


Crazies hide in kink


There are two kinds of crazies - those that are aware they're crazy and those that are unaware. They are equally dangerous for differing reasons.

The Delusional


Mirriam-Webster defines delusional as 

"1. a : the act of deluding : the state of being deluded

b : an abnormal mental state characterized by the occurrence of psychotic delusions

2

: a false belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that persists despite the facts and occurs in some psychotic states."

In all reality, these people are oblivious to what they are and therefore what they're doing to people and their surroundings. A person who is delusional can be so for various reasons, but the end result is the same: they're broken. To look at who and what they are and realize that it's so disjointed from that which they believe themselves to be would be too much for them to handle.


The Narcissist


Narcissism is really popular, have you noticed? The onslaught of self-propelled social media in the form of Twitter, blogs, Facebook, easily made websites has made self-promotion so easy that anyone can be a narcissistic. There has been a huge cultural shift towards narcissism in recent decades, and specifically to focus on "me." In fact, narcissists get their own disorder (of course they do)! Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it's all kinds of badass. Some of the symptoms are:

• Believing that you're better than others
• Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
• Exaggerating your achievements or talents
• Expecting constant praise and admiration
• Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
• Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
• Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
• Taking advantage of others
• Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
• Being jealous of others
• Believing that others are jealous of you
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Setting unrealistic goals
• Being easily hurt and rejected
• Having a fragile self-esteem
• Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Um.... with this list I've not diagnosed every person on Twitter with NPD. Thanks interwebz! In reality, it much more complex than that. I know people with NPD and their behavior can seem very normal at times, their rationalization for it is really quite logical. The narcissist can hide quite easily in D/s in either role.


The just plain crazy


You know the kind, they're just crazy and they embrace it, often with some humor and wit, but you can see the crazy, ya just know it's there. Some people are flat out attracted to the crazy, which is their kinda crazy (I may or may not be one of these kinds of crazies - being attracted to crazies, not being crazy myself, well I may be, but not like the headline crazy as is supposed to be highlighted here, but now I've gone off on a random tangent.... back to the point, which I've already forgotten.) Somehow I think my point has been brilliantly highlighted at my own expense. Ah well, now you know what I mean.


Crazies are attracted to kink

This theory is based upon the concept that kink allows us to be freely connected to our inner desires, our inner animals, our inner savage, and thus free in a way most of society never will be. Us kinky fuckers have delved deeply into ourselves to discover how far our particular brand of depravity can go, and with this knowledge we embrace a freedom in what most of society would brand as "crazy." This freedom of self-acceptance is attractive, especially to people who can't accept their own crazy, or deal with it, or whatever, so they find themselves like moths to a flame, perhaps hoping to find acceptance.


Being on the edge alters us


Is it possible that because we are constantly pushing the envelope, pushing ourselves in our own endeavors, that it somehow alters how our mind processes information? There's already evidence that chronic stress impacts your brain's functionality, and not to say that being kinky is stressful, but it does necessitate a certain amount of heightened brain activity that stress and pressure can induce. (it's not a perfect fit, but I'm not a doctor folks) The overall point is, because we operate in more intense situations, with greater stakes, like in edge-play for example, that may very well have an impact on the way we each can process information, and thus result in altered behavior, which may be categorized as crazy (by me). 


Folks with unresolved issues can turn crazy

That sub with the mommy/daddy issues? The Dom/me with the control issues? Yeah.... if they don't keep their shit in check, they may very well turn crazy. Stumbling onto emotional landmines isn't atypical in this lifestyle, especially if you partake of humiliation and degradation, and if one of these landmines is discovered and not handled, that can lead to all sorts of bad things. One of the things we pride ourselves on in this community (yeah, I'm not being an egomaniac speaking for the whole community or anything... just go with it for a minute), is communication, communicating one's needs, wants, desires, limits, etc. So when the communication stops because of a past trauma, this can only result in negative outcomes. 


We are hyper-aware


This point was brought up by @Winsome_Gypsy (quite brilliantly might I add) that the kinky community is hyper aware of crazy behavior and therefore crazies are more obvious. This makes sense. They're brought into sharp focus and their crazy behavior isn't tolerated by many within the community. This answer is the most comforting because it gels with the logic (and apparently statistical data) that there are no more crazies in kink than anyplace else. 

All-in-all, I like to believe that most of us are sane people, and that most of us kinksters are a cut above others, since we have done our soul-searching, and instead of finding our bliss in crocheting, we've found it in caning people's asses while they're tied up.... mmmmm..... sorry... That doesn't mean that crazy ain't out there, but what it does mean is that we all must continue our due diligence in trying to weed out or limit the exposure to the crazies. Or decide that some types of crazy are a-okay. (Pick me! Pick me!)