Hubris

Does one have to be Icarus to be hubristic? Cannot one simply have pride or is that then hubris? What does it mean to be proud? Are you forever relegated to the roles of Mr. Darcy or Icarus? Cannot pride be a good thing? I'm proud of who I am, that's not hubris. I take pride in what I've gone through to become what I am, that's not hubris, but when I hurt because I'm doing something that is not what I've worked to become, is that hubris? Is it my pride that's causing the pain?

I'm in love with a married man, who's not in an open relationship, and who's wife most likely suspects my existence, but doesn't actually know (we so often believe the truth we choose). This makes me the other woman, or the mistress (note the little M). I have been the other woman many times out of choice, because I did not seek a relationship, nor love, so I didn't care if they stayed with their wives, which statistically speaking, only 1% of married men leave their wives for their mistress, so I've got that going for me [sarcasm font]. He never lied to me about his situation, and I honestly didn't expect to fall in love, but I did, and here I am. 

I am not other woman material when it comes to a relationship. I'm demanding, and I expect attention, affection and admiration at a whim, I'm the kind of woman that should consume you, your thoughts, your very breath. Being the other woman doesn't lend itself to that kind of consumption. Is that hubris? Is it pride, or is there no distinguishable difference?

I am at a crossroads; do I swallow my pride for love and continue in the hopes that he is the 1%, or do I sever my ties for the safe bet? Pride comes before the fall, but that expression doesn't apply, I'm not blindly moving forward because of pride, I'm looking with eyes wide open. I can't express the hate that I would feel towards myself, towards him should I knowingly choose to stay and he falls into the 99% category. I'm rarely vindictive, but I would be in this scenario. I mean, making this choice is a huge gamble, and I'm not a gambler, I like logic and reason, I like to know where my foot is stepping next, and with this, I'm at The Grand Canyon's edge blindfolded with him behind me, trusting that he won't push. ... Trust. This all boils down to trust. Do I trust him to do what he says he will do? I've found the magic question.