The art of humiliation

Humiliation isn't for everyone, nor is it proper nor wise for *any* Tom, Dick or Jane to engage in it on either side. Humiliation is the act of debasing someone below their real or perceived status. Balancing between the line of arousal and shame is delicate. 

The fact of the matter is that there are many people who are aroused at the fantasy and often reality of being humiliated, degradated, and "knocked down." The challenge is to be able to walk that line and not damage someone emotionally or psychologically. 

The first step is to gauge if your partner is interested. This actually presents some challenges, because it can be difficult for a bottom to be open about a desire to be treated in such a manner if the waters haven't been tested with their Top.  Each time I've had this discussion with someone I get a combination of relief and surprise; relief that their urges are welcome, and surprise that I get equal pleasure from the act as they do. The discussion, or negotiation phase should last for a very long time, much longer than any other kind of play negotiation. It's critical to not engage in this type of play without knowing your bottom, without understanding their history, their motivations, and especially any emotional land mines you may encounter.

Emotional land mines are those things of which we're unaware that quickly force us back to a time fraught with negative emotions, memories, etc. For example, I was playing with someone and randomly said they were doing something "stupid." I rarely call anyone this, but it was fitting for the scene and the kind of play we were doing. He had never mentioned the use or non use of this word during our extensive negotiations, but something in him changed immediately; he wasn't a submissive anymore, nor a bottom, he  was an angry teenager that felt diminished. Turns out, his guardian said that to him often as a child, and unbeknownst to him, it was a trigger word to take him back to a time that caused him pain. 

Some may look at this example as proof for why you shouldn't engage in humiliation play. Well if that's the case, then don't engage in any kind of BDSM, much less edge play, because ALL of it has the potential to cause some kind of harm. 

If you feel as though you are able to engage in this kind of play, and your partner is comfortable as well, start out small. Simple things, like panties under a business suit for a man, or having a woman remove her panties at work, or at dinner. These are debasing acts that, unless there are specific issues from one's past, can bring great pleasure to both parties. It is also important to check in after the experience to insure that the bottom, and the Top, enjoyed it and whether there is a necessity for any modifications. I would encourage waiting a day to check in, so that both parties have had sufficient time to reflect upon it. 

Humiliation, up to degradation, which is a much more intense kind of play, is limited only to a couple's limits and imagination. Some ideas are: animal play, collar and leash play, human furniture, naked slaves serving clothed Dominants, wearing sexualized items under clothing in public, like butt plugs, nipple clamps, remote controlled vibrators, chastity, forced-bi, cuckolding, speech restriction, having their food ordered for them, etc... That doesn't even scratch the surface of concepts and ideas you can do. If you can imagine it and negotiate it, you can do it... pending legal issues. Just sayin'.

Following are some links for ideas. Please note again, if you haven't negotiated it, and do not know your partner EXCEEDINGLY well, I do not recommend you just start reading from these ideas and going full speed. Be a responsible BDSMer. 

https://fetlife.com/groups/179

https://fetlife.com/groups/4905

https://fetlife.com/groups/5114

http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/humiliation1.shtml

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_humiliation

http://voices.yahoo.com/bdsm-101-introductory-guide-humiliation-play-1810921.html